"I have work. Then a dinner thing, and then I am busy trying to become who I am." - Hannah, Girls

Sunday, December 4, 2016


Fun fact: I lost my virginity to a boy whose first name is my last name.

ha ha

This is a boy I took to a party weeks ago. My friend Aly set us up. A week later he asked me to get drinks at Friday Happy hour. I didn't pay him much attention all night. Then asked me to a Friendsgiving that Sunday. I went and, again, paid his friends more attention. (Wow I'm mean). BUT I was very sure I wasn't into him. 

So then he asked me to coffee exactly a week ago. I have NO idea why he asked me out again because I had been pretty unresponsive. So I ignored his text for 48 hours (again why am I so mean to such a nice boy). I responded on Wednesday inviting him to my Semi instead. I'm not sure why I asked. If I really didn't like him, I should have shut it down and not led him on. But I guess I didn't know how to respond to the whole coffee thing. And its not like I had another boy to ask.

And so Friday we hooked up. And then again on Saturday after I went to a date party with a guy friend. 

And here I am on a Sunday morning. The boy left, and I need to shower. I am so confused by the past 48 hours. I'm still not sure if I like this boy as more than a friend. He's so nice (too nice), which is why I was so turned off by him.

He brought Bailey's to brunch because he knew I liked that more than mimosas. He remembered my drink order from the first time he met me. He opens doors. He remembers all of these little details that I don't recall even telling him. He's so considerate and nice and smart. And why is that a turn off??? 

I wanted him to be mean for some reason. But then I thought, why would I want a boy who paid me no attention? I've dealt with that before, and nothing good ever happens.


All my life I have thought that was a stupid saying. I thought if a nice boy came along and liked me, I would recognize it. BUT THERE I WAS! TURNING DOWN A NICE GUY! 

So I decided I liked him on Friday because he's a nice, smart, and cute boy. He likes me, and that's cool. I don't know if it will go anywhere. I don't know if I care too much about what happens with us. Regardless, he was a good boy to be my first. 

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