"I have work. Then a dinner thing, and then I am busy trying to become who I am." - Hannah, Girls

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Still With Her, Still Making It Nasty

November 8, 2016: 
I wake up at 5:45am. I can't go back to bed because I am too excited to vote for the first time in my life. I am in my car by 6am. I am voting for Hillary Clinton by 6:30am. I am watching the news at Aly's at 7pm. We walk to a bar around 11pm. I hear cheers when Hillary gets Nevada. I go home at midnight. I sit and watch the news on my couch. I do not remember the moment that I realized we had lost. What I do remember, and what I will never forget, are the emotions I have felt in the past 20 hours.

November 9, 2016: 
I'm in bed at 2am, crying myself to sleep as I watch CNN on my phone. I wake up at 6am, unable to rest. I cry on my way to the gym at 6:30am. Cry on my way back from the gym around 7:30am. I cry to my mom on the phone at 8am. I cry at 10:40 am in class as I watch Hillary address young women and girls in her concession speech. I cry in my painting class around noon because I'm so overwhelmed. I cry at 3:30pm on my way to babysit talking on the phone with my mom again.

Now: I am not crying. But I am livid. I am confused. I am scared. And I am ashamed.

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