"I have work. Then a dinner thing, and then I am busy trying to become who I am." - Hannah, Girls

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

When people tell me I should write a blog and they don't know that haha I have one

My housemate Sassy A and I were discussing the strangeness that has surrounded my new apartment.

"You should write a blog," she told me.

The subletter stories deserve multiple posts, but here's a quick run down:

Right now, we live with Sweaty Subletter and recovering addict and The Hermit a girl who locks herself in her room and doesn't come out to brush her teeth.

I share a bathroom with Sweaty Subletter, and like most boys, he doesn't know how to clean. His little beard hairs collect around the sink and I *cringe* have to deal with it.  I've walking in on him shitting once. I plan on keeping track of how many times this happens throughout the semester. Don't worry, readers will be updated.

The most recent story has to do with Sweaty, the sober subletter. Sweaty matched with Sassy A's friend on Tinder, and they've been secretly hanging out. But Sassy A and I know they hung out last Saturday AND were texting last night during the Bachelorette finale.

The Hermit never leaves her room. She must have a bladder of steel. Her self-quarantine might be past the point of weird. It may just be flat out impressive. The Hermit confuses me because 1) I tried to be friendly and she's rude.....I've given up 2) she's very overweight but is never in the kitchen.....candy stash under bed

The first subletter Laura is where the strangeness began. Picture a 65-year-old woman who reaks of cigarettes and is deathly allergic to cats. She greeted me outside my apartment door with the worst handshake I've ever received and was wearing a wide brimmed hat. Her ponytail was long and grey, and her hat strap was secure against her chin. She looked like she was ready for a safari.  Laura is long gone now. She was here for about 2 weeks, and used a college apartment like an AirBnb. Interesting choice in my opinion.

In 20 years, I'll look back on my fond memories of Laura. There was that time I faked concern when she told me about how her soup spilled all over her paper hat. I'll never forget how she showed Sassy A and me the spider she found and captured in her room. She stared at us in silence from across the room, holding a ziploc baggy in her palms. She waited for about 5 minutes for one of us to ask her what she was doing. A swallowed her pride and entertained Laura's craziness.

As of today, Mr. Law School, a law school student and The Foreigner, studying abroad from Copenhagen will be joining me and Sweaty Subletter in the fall.

My life is like a bad sitcom. An even shittier version of New Girl.

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